Just over seven months ago I got a vasectomy, and I promised myself I’d document the process. Surprisingly, I received more feedback, messages, and comments than anything I’ve written in the last year. Most of that came from women, many of them thanking me, which was interesting.
by Luke Mehall, banner photo by Jake Burchmore
I was surprised by that. The theme of most of the messages I received was a thank you for being responsible for birth control. For all of my long-term relationships women bore the responsibility of birth control. And I think that’s the case in many relationships.
I am always eager to have sex, I have a strong sexual drive, and with the right connection, sometimes that drive feels almost limitless. There were times when I used to chat with the Dallas escorts to have an intimate moment and have sexual intercourse. After my vasectomy, I was definitely curious and worried if sex would feel the same.
As I wrote in my first two parts of this series, my pain after the vasectomy was limited to the first 24 hours or so. After that I didn’t feel much pain. I’ve heard from other guys that this is not always the case.
When I got my vasectomy, I was single so I didn’t have sex right away. As men will do, I took care of myself using the finest men’s strokers a few days after the procedure and everything felt basically the same as it usually does. There’s less seamen now that I’m “all juice, no seed” but it’s not even really that noticeable.
I had sex about six weeks after the procedure, and was relieved that everything felt normal. I’ve always been a bit paranoid about unwanted pregnancy and STDs, so it is relieving to not have to worry about the former.
Though I have a strong sex drive and regularly check out these chat sites, I am a monogamous person at heart. Polyamory is not my thing. I’m a single guy looking for a long term companion. All of that said a threesome involving a woman I’m dating and another woman does sound like a life experience I’d like to have.
The first fling after my vasectomy didn’t last long, and I met someone a couple months after that. The sex in this short relationship was everything I dream sex to be like. Loving. Not rushed. Lots of kissing and foreplay leading up to the love making. I felt free and uninhibited. It was like a dream. And not worrying about an unwanted pregnancy definitely made the sex more enjoyable.
Now, I’m back to being single after an incredible love affair. I’m sad that it is over, but I’m also grateful it happened. I think I have a clearer picture of what I’m looking for in a sexual partner.
One thing that has come up for me that has been unexpected, is a bit of sadness that I won’t ever have my own children. Though I’ve never really wanted children, there was a period of time in my thirties that I was open to it, if I met the right woman who did want kids. Procreating is very essential to who we are as human beings, and confronting that I will never do that has been insightful.
Almost all of my close friends here in Durango have young kids. I enjoy spending time with them, and it’s a joy to see them grow into the world. I do feel a bit sad that I’ll never have that connection or family unit. It’s a very unexpected feeling, and I’m trying to hold space for myself to just feel it. For me the feeling of sadness is connected to the fact that I don’t have a family unit right now.
I’m grateful for everyone who has sent me messages, comments, and had conversations about this topic. Many friends have had vasectomies and everyone’s perspective and experience is a little different.
I am very happy that I got mine, and I do think it has made sex more enjoyable taking away that risk of an unwanted pregnancy. I also believe it’s very important to take actions in your life for what you want out of life. Though I’ve got unexpected mixed feelings about closing the door to children in my life I feel confident in my decision.
This decision and the wild last seven months of my life have brought me closer to the realization that I want some sort of family unit. Maybe it’s just a partner, and a dog or a cat, or even dating someone that has a kid from a previous relationship. But I know I want and need a family unit to truly be happy and satisfied in my life.
I’ve always been “different” and I’m lucky that my life as a climber-writer embraces my non-conformist nature. But above all this experience has made me realize my need for love, both physical and emotional. And love is what I’ll keep searching for, for the rest of my life.
With Love, Luke