The Stoke-O-Meter

Mar 12 • Humor • 13219 Views • No Comments on The Stoke-O-Meter

With spring just around the corner every rock climber is getting stoked.

But how stoked are you?

Is your stoke in progress, are you stoking off, or have you been getting out climbing already and you are substantially stoked? Well, your friends at The Climbing Zine are here to help you guide your stoke level into the climbing season with The Stoke-O-Meter!

What gets you more stoked? The Stoke-O-Meter or the Bunny Shirt?

What gets you more stoked? The Stoke-O-Meter or the Bunny Shirt?

Fire is Lit: Stoke is in the air, but just a hint.

Pre-Stoke: Like the first sip of coffee in the morning, things are moving.

Sorta Stoked: You are a half a cup of coffee deep, maybe putting the pack in the car.

Stoking in Progress: The first couple minutes of the commute to the crag, you realize that you might be stoked today.

Substantially Stoked: You are close to the crag. The weather is looking good, at least a 90% chance of stoke.

Stoking Off: This often happens when the weather is too cold for climbing. It all starts with an online video watching someone else climbing, and before you know it, you are stoked. Just so you know, it’s normal, but too much stoking off can lead to blindness.

Al and Lindsey are stoked on freedom!

Al and Lindsey are stoked on freedom!

Psyched: Now we’re getting somewhere. People often debate the difference between psyched and stoked. Being psyched is more cerebral, and actually happens before you are stoked. For example, “I’m so psyched bro,” basically means I can’t wait for this awesome experience to happen, and if all goes well you will be stoked.

Super Psyched: Foreplay is ending, the machine is well oiled, you are on your way to a being stoked.

Stoked! See, I knew it. Stoked! For some it comes easier than others, but once you are stoked you’ll know it. This is when people say, “I’m so stoked right now!”

Todd Glew is stoked!

Todd Glew is stoked!

Sticky with Stokery: Often misunderstood as super stoked, your mind realizes something magical is happening and your endorphins are being filled with stoke.  

Super Stoked: A nice level to be at, and if this is where your stoke level ends for the day that is perfectly fine. Many awesome days peak at super stoked.

Matt Bynum, so hot right now!

Matt Bynum, so hot right now!

Stoked as Fuck!

Something special, I mean really special has to happen. Like breaking into a new grade. Sending your project. Climbing a classic pitch you’ve been wanting to do for years. We are not big on using explicatives here at The Climbing Zine, but  in this case it is deserved.

Nay-Nay is stoked as fuck!

Nay-Nay is stoked as fuck!

Stiked! This is a combination of being both psyched and stoked. This basically means your wildest dreams have come true. This experience is everything you wanted it to be, and more. Welcome to being stiked, you are living the dream.

Getting Wild: A rowdy level of stoke. If you feel the urge to yell, “Let’s get wild” at the top of your lungs you are in fact, getting wild.

Lisa helping everyone get to the stike dike.

Lisa helping everyone get to the stike dike.

Stokegasm: You made it, hopefully this happens in occurrence with your partner. A glorious feeling, can happen in groups, even at parties. A moment of clarity happens just after, possibly followed by gentle cuddling.

Breach in the Stike Dike: Shit has officially gotten crazy. You may feel this way after topping out on your biggest or hardest route ever! You feel the urge to scream and go “uuuuuuhhhh” or make one of those monkey noises. Basically you are high as a kite, and life could not get any better. This can happen in big groups as well, as is recommended for safety. When the stike dike breaches anything can happen!

Emily has it! Pegging the Stoke-O-Meter.

Emily has it! Pegging the Stoke-O-Meter.

List complied by Luke Mehall, publisher of The Climbing Zine. The Stoke-O-Meter was created by Mehall and Al Smith III, with additional reporting from Tim Foulkes of Timmy Foulkes Television and Badger. 

The Climbing Zine can get you as stoked as Dave!

The Climbing Zine can get you as stoked as Dave!

There are four volumes of The Climbing Zine that have been released to date. Volume 4 is available in print, and all volumes are available as e-zines. Volume 5, The Dirtbag Issue, will be released as an e-zine on April 20th of this year. 

Luke Mehall is the publisher of The Climbing Zine, and author of Climbing Out of Bed, a definitive collection of rock climbing and mountain town stories, available on Kindle and Nook. A printed version will be released this spring, followed by a book tour in May. 

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